Beyond the Page: The Pitcher

                                      

Beyond the Page: The Pitcher: Excerpts 1st Chapter 

The story of The Pitcher kicks off during a spring break that doesn’t go as expected, and Eli is forced to take a step back briefly and rethink everything. While reevaluating his life, a chance encounter introduces him to Larissa Malloy, a woman whose carefree spirit and deep love for others bring a new kind of challenge into his life: the possibility of love.

Warning: have a tissue ready; nothing is worse than loss and regret.

 

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The Pitcher: Chapter One

Eli

It’s a perfect and beautiful day—except it’s not. I curse the fantastic weather. The clear blue sky doesn’t match my mood, which is strange for a gloriously sunny day like today.

What is surprising is the warmth of the season.

It should be grey and raining to match the gloominess surrounding me. The moroseness that surrounds my heart is like barbed wire pulled tightly as my broken heart bleeds a little more. Although in the numbness I’m feeling, I know that a sorrowfulness is raging under the surface – a dam ready to burst.

What I know is that today is not it… not yet.

Of all the perfectness of the weather, today is not a good day.

Maybe I can do that when I find a quiet place to let the tears fall.

Away from everyone.

The world has lost a better person, and I don’t understand why. I scratch my forehead and run my fingers through my buzz cut.

Missing Evan is not something I want to get used to either.

I gaze out the window, trying to hide the sorrow in my heart. Over the wall, the cherry blossom trees line the street, swaying gently in the breeze. They stand majestically among the forest in the backdrop. Their sweet scent floats its way into the house through the opened windows and doors, a smell I’ve grown up with. It’s pleasingly soft and calming.

Although we have a list of those who said they would come by and pay their respects, this is supposed to be an open house for Evan, an open house for those who knew him.

My eyes catch Edi as she makes slow progress up the drive; a few steps behind her is Bram. She stops and waits for him by the Cheery Blossom tree firmly planted in the courtyard. They’re chatting intimately but keep a respectable distance between them. She smiles at him as he tucks a golden strand of hair behind her ears.

I frown at their closeness.

A few caterers are milling outside, but something behind the gate gets my instant attention. My brows furrow into an angry frown.

What the fuck are they doing here? When did they arrive? There aren’t many homes on this road, so they’re hard not to miss. Plus, I’d asked for them to honour my privacy. On this day, they can’t leave me alone and give me the privacy I need. I crave the solitude and hide from the world.

Five guys are huddling together, chatting with cameras in their hands, and then I shift my gaze to the film crew on the opposite side of the road with their cameras poised strategically at the gate. It’s only a two-person crew.

Fucking paparazzi!

I let out a slow, long, resigned sigh as my shoulders slump. I know they’re only doing their job, but... I bow my head and let out another sigh.

I briefly close my eyes, shutting out the world. I take a slow intake of breath and then slowly let it out – today is about Evan.

I square my shoulders and relax slightly because they’re on the other side of the gate.

Under my breath, I mutter, “As long as they don’t make their way into the house.”

It’s unlikely, but the thought lingers.

I centre and remind myself that today is for Evan.

Sadness hits me all over again as I remember the fun we used to have on that driveway. I get angry with myself for remembering our abrupt conversation a few weeks ago, and it was our conversation.

As I watch a few of my parents’ friends make their way into the house, I remember the harsh words we exchanged about me not spending time with my nephew, not spending time with his family, and using my career not to see our parents often enough.

“And we don’t argue like that, Evan,” I mutter.

To my detriment, I allowed the words to linger instead of apologising. I don’t know what prompted me to behave like a jerk.

I broke our cardinal rule.

And that night, a drunk driver came at you head-on before I could take back those words.

I should’ve rang and apologised. I should have done something more and said something. I should have…I – I.

Tears well in my eyes, and I know he’s right. I should do better than I have lately. I have cancelled a few family get-togethers, and I’m a worse brother for that…a worse brother-in-law and an uncle. My excuses are that I live and work across the country. And with that comes the travelling, which takes a lot out of me. And yet Edi manages to bring herself home as often as work will allow her.

I promise to do better, but it's a little too late, but for what it’s worth, I promise. Water wells up in my eyes because Evan isn’t here for me to tell him that.

I shut my eyes to stop the waterworks from falling, but instead, they cascade down my cheeks.

I wallow in my grief of missing my brother. It will always be with me that we left on bad terms. And I need to come to grips with that and try to forgive myself.

This wasn't how I wanted to say goodbye... and I thought we had more years ahead of us.

It's time to apologise.

I pinch my eyes close to stop the welling up and try to stop the ache, but I feel too much. I bow my head and let the silent tears fall as my shoulders shake with emotion.

I wipe my face silently as I continue my conversation with my brother. And the thing is, I know he’s here with me; I can even hear his responses.

I miss you.

Miss you too.

You know I hate wearing black. And today isn’t the day I wanted to wear black.

I feel his laughter surrounds me; it doesn’t match you.

It doesn’t match the vibrant and colourful person that you are. I should’ve visited more.

Yeah, you should. His voice is unwavering but filled with love. We could’ve travelled to you too – be at your games more. The boys would’ve loved that.

My heart aches at his last words. Oh God, my nephews. As I open my eyes, tears well. My lips wobble into an upturned, sad smile. I caress the length of my tie resting on the white shirt. It’s canary yellow - your favourite colour — the one item of colour our parents allowed today. I take a deep breath as emotions overwhelm me.

It’s the colour of sunshine.

“The colour of sunshine,” I repeat softly, a slow side smile touching my face and swiping the tears on my cheeks.

“And you know what’s the worst part? You’re not here yet. You’re… everywhere,” I whisper.

I furrow my brows further as I glare at Edi and Bram. I don’t know if I like how my sister behaves with our old school friend. Also, I’m not sure I like the way he’s touching her or leans and whispers into her ears.

He’s too close for my liking.

I shift back and forth on the ball of my feet as I let out a low, disapproving grunt. Hand in hand, I watch their slow progression into the house.

Maybe it's times like these when you realise that time in this life is short.

Maybe it’s time to ease up on him.

Today is proof of that.

Bram always had a thing for Edi but has always done right by her. Maybe it’s time he took the horns by the hand… test the water.

My brother was right. It’s time to accept that Bram is crazy about Edi, and looking at them, I think she feels the same. But time will tell. Evan and I have seen the way he looks at her when he thinks we’re not looking. He seems to calm her, and Edi is hyperactive, going a hundred miles an hour.

Maybe it’s the caffeine in her bloodstream.

My smile disappears as my mind wanders back to our last conversation. All I can think about is that stupid argument we had before you walked out of the house.

My final words to you were, “Fuck you. You’re an arsehole, Evan.”

I said them with venom and hurt. Because it’s usually you would pull me up on my shit.

How I regret those words now. I should’ve said how much I love you and cannot wait to see you in a few weekends. Instead, our final words will always be those, and I know they will haunt me. It’s the regret and guilt when we exchanged those awful words that will live with me forever.

Regret and guilt that you left earlier than you should have.

Under my breath, I mutter, “I’m going to have to live with that day.”

My mind mulls over all the different ways we could’ve parted a few weeks back, but those words wouldn’t have been one of them if I had known that I wouldn’t see you ever again.

God, Evan, I miss you so damn much already.

I sigh.

I stand in the middle of the room and gaze at the bright and glorious day, knowing I cannot hide the pain in my heart. It’s written all over my face. My mouth trembles as I hold back a sniffle.

Men don’t cry, right? Maybe today, I’m off the hook.

What are the reasons behind these kinds of gatherings? Are they more for the family and friends to say goodbye? Or a chance to gather all your loved ones in one room and remember the wonderful person that you are.

You would’ve loved the turnout. I’m even surprised that Geno, the high school bully, came. And we didn’t even invite him. A humourless chuckle escapes me. I suppose that’s what you get when our parents still live on the same street since high school.

Man, you are truly loved.

Grandpa had always said that our lives are measured by the people who love us. And it’s pretty apparent, my dear brother, that you are loved.

Mom has put out a good spread. There’s plenty of food, more than enough to feed an army. She always knew how to throw a party, even on a day like today, watching all our family and friends. I know we loved you. I wasn’t expecting to say goodbye to you so soon. I was hoping to watch your family grow. Our kids were supposed to play together. That was our deal. Remember. What am I going to do now?

The voice in my head is silenced.

I glance over my shoulder to the picture of you and me with the baseball bat in our hands.

My eyes wander to my left and catch Mom and Dad chatting to another well-wisher. I can see the strain on Mom’s face. Addison stands beside her, and it stings even more when I see a tear fall down her face. She pats her round stomach, and another tear falls. She looks morose, and her lips tremble, trying to hold back those rampant tears. She faces me and catches me looking at her. Her beautiful face, which has barely any makeup, is pale. Her brown eyes are puffy, and her dark chocolate hair is pulled back, showing off her well-shaped brow, slim nose with an upward tilt at the tip, and full lips bare of lip gloss. She gives me a lopsided smile that doesn’t reach her dejected eyes. I give her a quick nod back and a sympathetic smile.

Between us, Evan always knew exactly what to say, especially at times like these. Or he knew precisely what to do.

You always did, Evan. You had the knack of making me see the funny side of things. How am I going to do that now that you’re not here? How can I fight Edi on my own? It's nearly impossible without you. You made all the bad things seem…bright. Or should I say, everything shines when you’re around.

Why didn’t I tell you that?

Why aren’t you here to tell the people to stop talking about you in the past tense? Why aren’t you here to say to Uncle Derek to take his lecherous hands off your wife? You should be here to do that.

But I’m not. So you have to take care of them all for me.

I don’t know if I can, being so far away.

Make time. You promised me.

I sigh. Yes, I did. And I will.

I take in a deep breath as I loosen my tie. I watch our uncle caress the length of Addison’s arm, and as I’m about to make a move to her aid, Mom swat his hand. Hard. The sound carries into the next room where I’m standing.

I shouldn’t be laughing, and I hide a snicker behind my hand when my sister instantly mauls me. Tall and stunning, she has men following her like honey to the bees. And who can blame them? My baby sister has grown into a confident and beautiful woman; she handles my career as my assistant, and she is damn good at it. At least she managed to get rid of Bram for a moment.

I glance about me.

Where is Bram anyway?

I pull her into a tight hug as her sweet, familiar scent hits my nostrils. She smells of sunshine and honey. Her blonde mass of curls is in a bun with loose tendrils fanning her face. Like Addison, her barely makeup face and dark lashes bring out the green in her light eyes. It’s that beautiful sea green you get in the Indian Ocean. And at five-nine, she rests her head back on my neck. Even in these heels, she’s still short…only just to my six-four. Her green eyes are full of sadness as she smiles at me.

Another day, we would’ve laughed, but you’re not here.

I unfold her arms from my neck and clasp her small hand into mine. We make our way to our parents. I smile down at Mom. She’s petite as she’s sandwiched between Edi and Dad. The rest of the family is tall, and we all know where the tall gene originated. And it’s sure as hell, not our mom.

“Mom, do you want anything?” I mutter as I bend down and kiss her left cheek.

“Neat Scotch baby,” She tells me without taking her eyes off Uncle Derek.

Unexpectedly, she pulled me into a tight hug. For someone so petite, I have to bend my knees so that at least her head rests on my cheek.

“I love you, Eli,” She mutters into my shirt.

I kiss the top of her head, “Love you too, Mom.”

I glance at Dad as I let her hold me. He shrugs his shoulders and pats my arm. He gives me a half smile and waits until she lets me go.

“Dad, bourbon.”

He nods in agreement. Today, we all need it. I turn and leave them, and as I go into the next room, where the decanter of bourbon and scotch sits next to the crystal tumbler glasses, I’m accosted by Rachel, one of my brother’s ex-girlfriend from college.

I glare at her and cannot understand why she’s here and balling out her crocodile tears. She was a royal bitch to you when you were dating her. Her usual glamour is still there; even all that balling her makeup is perfect as she dabs the tears from her eyes. She stands five two in four black inch heels. She’s wearing a yellow dress so tight that it hugs her in all the right places ever so tightly, and with her large breasts desperate to roll out of the dress. It’s so inappropriate for today.

I’m so glad you dumped her arse and glad when Addison came into your life.

“Eli,” She slurs.

Hell, is she drunk? We’ve only just arrived.

“Rachel,” I say her name with such disdain. You didn’t break up on good terms, and to this day, I still feel the pain she inflicted on you all these years ago. Your then-girlfriend wanted to have an open relationship when you went to different colleges, all because she wanted to experience new men and college life. I’m just glad you had the sense to move on from her.

She still has a fantastic rack on her.

Those tits are amazing. But when Addison came along, I saw sense.

Addison. She made you smile brighter. That was a sight to see.

Tears fall on Rachel’s face, and she caresses my arm. She’s such a hypocrite, but I let her deal with her pain. We all deal with grief in different ways.

“I miss him, Eli,” She tells me.

Her voice wobbles at the word, and I frown, thinking she might care for my brother. I miss him too, but I don’t voice that to her. And after a second, I shake my head.

Remember Eli, Rachel is a drama queen. She’s built that way…since high school. High maintenance.

I look around for Uncle Derek; maybe they can console each other. No, I shouldn’t wish her on him.

Her mouth moves as I wait for the next set of words. The words that usually say, my condolences or I’m sorry for your loss. After a few seconds more, nothing bearing any resemblance comes from her. Angry bile rises in my throat, but I swallow it back down.

“I’m going to miss him, Eli.”

I don’t like the way she said that. It’s as if she’s the only one who knew him.

Like hell, she did.

“We all miss him, Rachel.” I scorn tersely.

The pain of loss is more acute than I care to let the world know. Only my family will truly understand our loss.

Evan.

He’ll be missed as a brother, a son, a husband and a father. Today, we lost more than Evan. I glance over at Addison as she caresses her large bump, a son who’ll never get to see the happy-go-lucky cheeky man that is Evan Jeremiah.

He’ll be missed by us all.

“Maybe we can go somewhere private and have a chat.”

I tense. The way she says “chat” makes me straighten my back. I’ve been able to avoid her like the plague in high school, and people like her all the time. I know their kind, especially when my career took off. I don’t need an opportunistic she-devil in my life. No matter how long I’ve known her. I grab her hand and remove it from my arms as her fingers hold on too tightly. I look at the red fingernails digging into my arms.

“Rachel, let go. Maybe you should go home and sleep it off,” I sigh.

I’m desperate to get away from her…itching, in fact.

She sways and mutters, “I need you, Eli.”

I don’t need this shit, especially not today of all days.

So fucking selfish!

“What you need is for you to go home. I’ll call you a cab.”

I’m in no mood to be a gentleman or to walk her home, so instead, I stir her towards the comfortable cream armchair and plant her into it. Or provide her with the sexual release she’s looking for as a final rump with Evan. In our teens, pretending to be each other was fun, but we stopped when girls caught on. In adulthood, it’s a no-no.

Her parents still live at the bottom of the road from our old house on Devilstone Way. Can you believe my family live at the furthest north-eastern point in Bar Harbor, Maine?

It’s a beautiful part of the world, and the house is pretty. It looks over the waters to Bald Porcupine Island. After my parents allowed me to buy them this home, Addison and Evan now own it. It’s only a short drive to Evan’s four-bedroom home.

Anyway, it was her choice that things didn’t work out. Usually, I never turn down sex, especially when it’s given so willingly, but today is not the day to disrespect my brother.

And I’m sure she’ll be her perky self in a few hours.

Having enough, I mutter, “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

This is when I need my brother to protect me from unwanted advances from women. In particular, his ex-flame.

I roll my eyes, and at the corner of it, I see Edi sniggering at me. It’s the first time today I've seen a genuine smile on her face, and it reaches her green eyes. A side smile touches my face. I shake my head and make my way to get my parents their drinks.

Before I turn, I catch Addie's lower lips wobbling.

Then, like a freight train, it hits me. It strikes me hard. One person is missing in this tete-a-tete.

Evan.

It’s missing you, Evan!

Missing in the everyday things that we do as a family. A smile he’d have on his face. His boys.

I miss him so much as I strangle with emotions.

Today is not a good day…of all the days. Sunday dinners with Mom and Dad will never be the same.

Black is definitely not you!

What a fucking shitty day.

Today, I buried my twin and his two boys.

 

The Pitcher - https://books2read.com/u/bMAJBa